I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
