No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
