I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize