She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
