How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
