I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
