May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
