I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
