Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
