i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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