I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize