Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
