Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
