Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
