I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
