I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize