Can i not drive my cunt home
Its about making memories worth repressing
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
