PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
