I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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