can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
