i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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