i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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