Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize