I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize