you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
