Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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