Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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