every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
