Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
