I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
