I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
