she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize