I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
