2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
