i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
