Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
