Capitaan dildo arrescate!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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