it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
