Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
