Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
