Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
