Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
