I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
