I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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