i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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