only if we run a train.
done.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
