Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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