hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You ruined the universe
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
