I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
