I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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