I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
