You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
