my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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