So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
