eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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