YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
