Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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