Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
