just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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