I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
