distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
