The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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