I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
