haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
