I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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