Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
