I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
