wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
