i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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