So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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