Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
