the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
