wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
