You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
