So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
