I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
