got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
