it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
