When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
