He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A bitchslap is in order.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
