I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
