Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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