i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
