so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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