16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
