she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
