NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
