I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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