she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize