I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
